Mist has descended, but the temperature remains spitefully hot. There is water - vapour in the air that swirls around, but somehow fails to cool or refresh. The humidity tricks us into layers and preparation for winter, then laughs at our coats and asks have we so quickly abandoned the summer? Things feel condensed, squeezed as we prepare to bring in the harvest, and preserve our supplies for the year's end.
Today is a day of errands, picking up, dropping off, a whirlwind of making sure I get things done. The next weeks have cluttered into arrivals and celebrations that deserve and demand my time, so that now my calendar no longer has dates, more a series of scribbles and arrows. In fact I'm actually working on two calendars - the one I write things on, and the one that exists in my head - the one with a lousy memory and a worse sense of humour. It's always the second calendar that pops up when something new happens, and immediately it begins to flick the pages back and forth until the dates and days are no longer connected, but dance around like opponents in a game of tag - just out of reach.
And I am me. A trite statement I know, but it brings me to my nexus - I hate making mistakes - I hate problems that could have been solved, the error stays with me and annoys me further. So when appointments begin to get close, or clash I get nervous and frustrated. In truth I like to organise things months beforehand, asking me to do something a week or two out - especially if it means rearranging things means that I will be unsatisfied with the result - I will feel I am letting somebody down - even if it's just because I had to ask if it was okay to do the new thing. This gets worse when there's more people involved - after all the chance of making them all happy is not high. So I find if I can't have things organised from, say - origin to oblivion, then my only other option is to be ruthless - to declare this is what I am doing, and if it fits great, if not... well that's too bad. And sometimes, for a few glorious minutes I can do this, but generally, no, not so much, so my life becomes about making sure everything can be fitted it.
Maybe this is why I am fascinated with the complexity of Spider webs at the moment? Even on wet days they stretch out, and sparkle with droplets in the mist. Spiders seem to be able to bring all the elements together, and then just sit there, still, relaxed, prepared... I guess I'm not really a social animal.