Really!? I really can't get out of bed to do basic tasks? I lie there waiting till the last possible minute then run around doing a half arsed job, then find I'm late so I'll miss out on coffee. Arrrrgh! For God's sake!
In case you're uncertain this will be less of a blog than a mental kick up the arse - or better a mental slap around the face with a wet fish. Today is it!
Okay - so it's dark, okay - so the bed is comfy, and okay so the cat curled up in my armpit - which is dead cute and it seems a shame to wake her; but that's enough, the indulgence is over. There are things to do, places to be and things to see. So tomorrow I'm getting out of bed, I'll do this, do that, paint or sketch AND still function normally.
Tomorrow will be simple: up - sort kitchen and living room, awake - sketch for new paintings, out - get presents before work, then work. It's easy... surely? I mean, I have a plan.
I just need to get myself started, once I begin to procrastinate it is an unavoidable slide to inactivity, which actually doesn't appeal - no matter what evil thoughts drift across my eyelids before waking (normally clouds of cotton wool encompassing and suspending me in mid air). So no more allowances, no more excuses - this must be done.
I guess it's all about resilience, the capacity to bounce back, no matter how weary you feel. It's strange though, because I genuinely feel I've done some of my best work recently, so all I can assume is that part of it is fear and part of it is complacency. There is also the natural rhythm of the year which calls to my inner squirrel, and behoves me to gather and store nuts... to nibble on... there's no way I get out of this sentence with dignity, so lets move on.
This is about getting a grip, about having the confidence to generate your own motivation, about having the belief that you have the right to force yourself - to give yourself a kick. In other words the courage to walk along the path you have chosen without fear and without regret. I'm not sure I'll manage such surety, but I need to take the first step.
So maybe I'll follow my own star this season - though I suspect mine is neon, and flickers as the battery falters. But if you give it a knock it glows brightly again.